Y .Thursday, June 29, 2006.
cant cant believe i went crazy ytd
i'm dealing with this huge problem right now.
maybe i shld write 'these huge problems'
schoool reopen.
all i feel is stress.
all i do is push away everything i dislike.
i push away hmwk.
i dun feel like working hard.
then nk came to me emotionally
she sad about two spastic guy.
she said how numb she was.
she was crying.
the problem wasnt about the guys
but it was nk feeling sad.
it affects me too.
i escapes from her.
i lie on the bed.
i cried.
i feel so bad. so horrible so confused
i was unable to comfort nk
i was unable to help her
l left her helpless, she left me helpless.
i start to flood baddie's hp and sijia's
some crazy smses where no one understands.
and from their words
all i feel is, "what's the problem with you. are you crazy or what"
im going crazy
so crazy.
being emotionally drained, i fall asleep.
i called baddie agn to wake him up.
i found myself unable to speak in the morning
that's why baddie could only hear 'far away'
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i couldnt learn to grow up.lost all my senses i am practically nth.
losing all my senses nothing wakes up the happiness in me. isnt it just time to forget somethings and take it as nothing happened.
now i closed my eyes.
i can see myself standing alone. there were glass all around. i see huishan, shihjoo, beesuan and priscilla behide it. they were laughing happily, i knock on the glass. they did not hear me, they walked away.
then i see sijia. she seems to be able to see me. she could feel my presence. but still she cant hear nor see me. i bang desparatedly on the glass window, things behind the window changed, it's not clear anymore. it's misty, blur, i could recognise her, it's annkhay. then, sth pulls me took me away from the glass.
i open my eyes. i feel heavy. so heavy. maybe i really have depression.
damn. give me a break----
3:30 PM
